You are Persian if (Part 4)

Jul 18, 2019

1- In restaurants, you always stare at other Persians…trying to figure out if you know them, what they’re wearing, if they’re rich or poor, or if they’re gossip-worthy

2- There are at least 2 Ralph’s shopping carts in front of your mom/grandma’s apartment and at least 3 in the garage

3- You put on a helmet and goggles before you go shopping at Elat Market and you always always walk away with fresh horror stories to tell

4- If before you buy a watermelon, you have to tap every single one like a Tombak to see if they’re ripe

5- If your parents/grandparent’s apartment is filled with at least 10 Persian rugs…covering every square inch of the expensive marble floor

6- If deciding on whose house you’re going to on the first night of Passover or Rosh Hashana requires Henry Kissinger’s diplomatic know-how and almost always leads to WWIII

7- If you call every foreign worker Amigo or Señorita, even if they don’t speak Spanish…and you don’t know any Spanish but you sure know the numbers as it relates to negotiating for a lower price

8- You’re Persian if you know what these mean: A-TerTery Joz B-Teraider Jones, C-Price Club/Fedco, D-Organized, E-Strous, F-Perpes

(A&B-Trader Joe’s C-Costco D-Organic E-Sprouts F-Proposed)