Aging

Getting close to the age where having enough toilet paper, no actually needing toilet paper is the highlight of the day and our conversations have shifted from frontal movements (sex) to bowel movements.

We used to eat like a cow, drink like a horse, screw like a rabbit, work like a donkey and think like a fox. Now we look like a cow, smell like a horse, hairy like a rabbit, pee like a fox and think like a donkey.

Is it me or the older I get the stronger my hearing gets? Music seems louder, my kids seem to be yelling all the time (although Kathy thinks they’re not), the neighbor’s gardener seems to keep buying louder and louder lawnmowers and motorcycles seem to have installed tractor motors. What the heck? Everything is so loud, except when I watch TV; TV can never be loud enough.