You are Persian if (Part 3)
Jun 12, 2017
1- You spent a summer in England 30 years ago and still speak with a British accent…”Hellooo Govnneh” or took a semester of French and it’s always like: Oui Oui, Oui je suis d’accor, Oui Oui…
2- You take your 8 year old’s soccer game entirely too seriously and stand on the sidelines screaming at the top of your lungs as if it’s the World Cup…Or an NBA Finals game…”Go Berandon go…Don’t let the sefid escore…go Berandon, de go digeh Berandon..Hey REF watch the game…”
3- You spend all week strategizing on how to get the most Tahdig (crispy rice) on Friday night, AND you keep score on who got the most last week.
4- Your favorite song is either ‘Hotel California’ or ‘That’s the way I like it (KC & the Sunshine Band). Come on admit it…That’s the way…aha aha…I like it…aha aha…
5- Persian conversion formula: 5 Minutes=30; 8:00 Sharp=9:25; I swear we only have 10 guests=28 and growing; need only one thing at the market=2 full shopping carts; Simple Dinner=2 Rice Dishes, 3 Stews, 2 Trays of chicken and 3 kinds of salad…And you say “I’m sorry I was too tired to cook more.”
6- You’re not Iranian, you are Puuursian, sometimes Italian… Mucho Gusto (I know it’s Spanish) My name is Maario (real name Morteza) or my name is Angeleri (real name Aghdas or Antar).
7- Persian Gift Giving: the richer the recipient, the more expensive the gift…”Vaay baade, you want to take thaaat for them? Don’t you know who they are?…” Or if they are not brand name, “ziyadeh” (too much).
8- Wedding Seat Arrangement Categories: Wealthy/Brand Name (close to stage-near you, with the biggest center piece), family members that get along (back-because you don’t need to worry about them), friends who haven’t gossiped about you (middle-they already like you), people that are happy just to be invited (by the door), people you don’t like but HAD to invite (stage, but next to the band’s table, friends with upcoming parties (stage).
9- If on your bar at home there are 2 huge bottles of Grey Goose, 1 Patron, different color Johnnie Walker bottles-for different categories of guests (see #8) and of course, several kinds of Single Malt…You’re probably Persian.
10- You spend an hour getting ready BEFORE you go to the hotel pool. Mani, pedi, makeup, hair, giant Chanel sunglasses, Louboutin flip flops…And don’t forget the throwaway Hermes bag from last season or the fake Valentino bag.
11- You keep your EStarbucK cup so you can put your home made instant coffee in it…In public.12- You have a drawer full of ESplenda packets from Coffee BeanS, also you get 6 cups of hot water with ONE tea bag for 10 people.
